As far as I remember me, as a kid I don’t recall any moment when I cried due to regret. Regret of what mistakes I have done in my life, and will I ever be forgiven. I created this blog 2 years ago, but today when this title came to my mind, girl of heaven, I came to know its real meaning, or at least the meaning of my life…. And the meaning of all our lives. This is what I want to be, this is what we all should strive for. I remember many years ago when the biggest threat was passing our annual exams and the biggest fear was facing our parents with a bad result card. I never thought that those fears were so volatile and all our hardships for passing the exam will be in vane one day when we would end up in grave. Now the biggest threat is passing the life exam and the biggest fear is to face Allah with our result card.
So after knowing all this where did I ended up? Am I doing good? Am I preparing for it, or at least am I studying for it? The answer is …………. No
Why didn’t I ? I try to do good, but what stops me? Every time I look back from the thorny place I am standing, I see a broken bridge upon a deep roaring river, and I don’t have a way to rebuild that and go to other side of the valley which is more beautiful, without any thorns. Why did I ever cross that bridge which was so weak? Why did I cross my lines? Why I never obeyed to my parents? How would I go back? I wish I had a time machine.
Now the question is, if the bridge is broken, is there any other way of escape? Yes there is… if I ask for forgiveness, from Allah and from all those people I have hurt, will I get the right path?........ I wish I get it, I am trying to do it, I am trying to be strong, to keep my self from falling into the river.
I spent my entire life criticizing others, but I never looked into my own book of deeds. I was interested in knowing who prays and who doesn’t, who is truthful and who is a liar, who is a saint who is a sinner, until Satan made me forget that I am the biggest sinner of all..
My father always used to quote a saying. He said Allah says to man kind:” there is what I admire and there is what you like, if you do what I want, I will give you what you want, but if you withhold from what I like and do what ever you like, I will make you tired in what you are running after, but in the end every thing will happen as I wish”. I used to listen to it with a lot of interest but now I came to know its real meaning. Its so true. When ever I abstained from the law, every time I failed and I got beaten up. I never found my way back till I prayed to God and asked him to guide me the way. And I know he would never leave my hand. And I will keep on asking him to hold me and guide me.
I never want to die, I wish to live forever, because I want to be a martyr. And I want to be alive in the hearts of people, and I want to be a bird of paradise.
I want to be the girl of HEAVEN
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
As he stepped into that dark and grubby room, and shut the door behind him. It was all black and quite. He advanced towards the side table, where her mother kept her favorite lamp. He didnt lit it, he wanted to be in the dark, he was used to the darkness of this room, the room which was only illuminated by sunlight or moon. He moved the curtain aside. Now he could see the things clearly in the moon light.
He gazed here and there, his eyes were searching something, he looked around and caught a glimpse of it, under the shadow of the unlit lamp. Quietly he sat beside the bed, he didnt wanted to disturb the one sleeping on the bed. He picked up the frame which was facing downwards and caressed the photo with his cold hands, he realized how cold his hands were when a warm drop touched his dorsum. It was a tear, rolling one by one from his cheek, they drenched his hand and the photo.
" Mama, i didnt wanted to wake u up but,,,,,, i c c c came here" ; he took a sigh," th th to tell u that, your grand son left the house,hhhh he yelled at me and his mother, he pushed me to and threatend me, but still... i i want u to help me mama, i want u to help me bring him back, he is my only son, i i iii........... dieee wit without heeeeem....... i know he s gna listen th thoo you, he always do what u sayyyyyyy,, moma pleeeeeeeez help me"
He sobbed like a baby, his shirt was wringing wet, and the bedsheet on which he had kept his head.
Next moment he felt the soft and warm touch of her fingers on his cheek, she caressed him gently. " Dont cry my baby, he ll come back one day"
He opened his soaked eyes, and his words were caught in his throat before he could speak. He got up on his feet, baffled with panic he picked up the blanket. It made him insan, it was awful. Stricken with dismay, his feet trembled and his forehead was dreanched by cold sweat.
He saw nothing but an abandoned bed. He couldnt speak, neither shout, and fell on the ground.
" Get up sweety, what happened? are u okay now?...... how are u feeling now, i told you not to get depressed but u never listen to me". It was his wife, sitting right next to him with a glass of water and two antidepressant tablets. He opened his eyes forcefully, he was drowzy and his head felt heavy. " I saw u in the morning, lying on the carpet in moma's room, i think u blacked out last night."
He held her tight, and stared acting like a crazy. "what happened honey?" the glass in her hands sliped with a jerk and smashed on the floor.
" I herd mama last night, she told me that our son will come back on day,,, iii iii no whhat she meant,,, ii no he will return only when we die, phhhhhhh its aa aaal my mistake, i did the same to mama, i never gave her any happiness, AND NEVER RETURNED TILL NOW
,,,,, TILL NOW THAT SHE IS DEAD........................."
It happened 40 years ago, it happened now,, and may happen again in coming years........................................
He gazed here and there, his eyes were searching something, he looked around and caught a glimpse of it, under the shadow of the unlit lamp. Quietly he sat beside the bed, he didnt wanted to disturb the one sleeping on the bed. He picked up the frame which was facing downwards and caressed the photo with his cold hands, he realized how cold his hands were when a warm drop touched his dorsum. It was a tear, rolling one by one from his cheek, they drenched his hand and the photo.
" Mama, i didnt wanted to wake u up but,,,,,, i c c c came here" ; he took a sigh," th th to tell u that, your grand son left the house,hhhh he yelled at me and his mother, he pushed me to and threatend me, but still... i i want u to help me mama, i want u to help me bring him back, he is my only son, i i iii........... dieee wit without heeeeem....... i know he s gna listen th thoo you, he always do what u sayyyyyyy,, moma pleeeeeeeez help me"
He sobbed like a baby, his shirt was wringing wet, and the bedsheet on which he had kept his head.
Next moment he felt the soft and warm touch of her fingers on his cheek, she caressed him gently. " Dont cry my baby, he ll come back one day"
He opened his soaked eyes, and his words were caught in his throat before he could speak. He got up on his feet, baffled with panic he picked up the blanket. It made him insan, it was awful. Stricken with dismay, his feet trembled and his forehead was dreanched by cold sweat.
He saw nothing but an abandoned bed. He couldnt speak, neither shout, and fell on the ground.
" Get up sweety, what happened? are u okay now?...... how are u feeling now, i told you not to get depressed but u never listen to me". It was his wife, sitting right next to him with a glass of water and two antidepressant tablets. He opened his eyes forcefully, he was drowzy and his head felt heavy. " I saw u in the morning, lying on the carpet in moma's room, i think u blacked out last night."
He held her tight, and stared acting like a crazy. "what happened honey?" the glass in her hands sliped with a jerk and smashed on the floor.
" I herd mama last night, she told me that our son will come back on day,,, iii iii no whhat she meant,,, ii no he will return only when we die, phhhhhhh its aa aaal my mistake, i did the same to mama, i never gave her any happiness, AND NEVER RETURNED TILL NOW
,,,,, TILL NOW THAT SHE IS DEAD........................."
It happened 40 years ago, it happened now,, and may happen again in coming years........................................
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Koi zabt de na jalal de,
Mujhe sirf itna kamal de,
Main har ik ki sada banun,
K zamana meri misaal de,
Teri rehmaton ka nazool ho,
Meri mehnaton ka sila milay,
Mujhe maal o zor ki hawas na ho,
Mujhe bas tu rizk e halal de,
Mere zehen me teri fikr ho,
Meri sans me tera zikr ho,
Tera khauf meri nijaat ho,
Sabhi khauf dil se nikal de,
Teri bargah me ay khuda,
Meri roz o shab he yahi dua,
Tu raheem he tu kareem he,
Tu sabhi balaaon ko taal de.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Uski yadon me doob jata hun,
khud ko tanha kabhi jo pata hun,
qatra qatra wajood se le kar,
khwahishon ko lahoo pilata hun,
log khushyan talash kartay hain,
me to gham bhi khareed leta hun,
aaj kal he mizaj-e-dil barham,
rona agar chahun to muskurata hun,
roz chahta hun bhool jaun usay,
roz ye baat bhool jata hun............
khud ko tanha kabhi jo pata hun,
qatra qatra wajood se le kar,
khwahishon ko lahoo pilata hun,
log khushyan talash kartay hain,
me to gham bhi khareed leta hun,
aaj kal he mizaj-e-dil barham,
rona agar chahun to muskurata hun,
roz chahta hun bhool jaun usay,
roz ye baat bhool jata hun............
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I AM A BOOK IN ELEGANT PRINT,
TO KNW MY NAME HERE ARE SOME HINTS
RICH IN COVER AND NICELY BOUND,
IN HEARTS OF MUSLIMS IM RARELY FOUND
HIGH ON SHELF I AM KEPT,
FORGOTTEN THERE IM LEFT
WITH RESPECT I GET LOTS OF KISS,
MY MAIN POINT IS WHAT THEY ALWAYS MISS
IN A MELODIOUS VOICE THEY RECITE ME,
NEGLECTING THE MESSAGE INSIDE ME
AT TIMES I AM USED FOR PHONY SWEAR,
MY TRUE USE IS VERY REAR
A MIRACLE I AM THAT CAN CHANGE THE WORLD,
ALL ONE HAS TO DO IS UNDERSTAND MY WORD
I HAVE WISDOM I HAVE TREASURE,
SO MUCH SO THAT IS NO MEASURE
IMM YOUR SAVOUR IM YOUR GUIDE,
BUT WHOS THERE TO FOLLOW THE BIDE
RIGHT FROM WRONG IS MY FAME,
HOLY QURAN IS MY NAME
TO KNW MY NAME HERE ARE SOME HINTS
RICH IN COVER AND NICELY BOUND,
IN HEARTS OF MUSLIMS IM RARELY FOUND
HIGH ON SHELF I AM KEPT,
FORGOTTEN THERE IM LEFT
WITH RESPECT I GET LOTS OF KISS,
MY MAIN POINT IS WHAT THEY ALWAYS MISS
IN A MELODIOUS VOICE THEY RECITE ME,
NEGLECTING THE MESSAGE INSIDE ME
AT TIMES I AM USED FOR PHONY SWEAR,
MY TRUE USE IS VERY REAR
A MIRACLE I AM THAT CAN CHANGE THE WORLD,
ALL ONE HAS TO DO IS UNDERSTAND MY WORD
I HAVE WISDOM I HAVE TREASURE,
SO MUCH SO THAT IS NO MEASURE
IMM YOUR SAVOUR IM YOUR GUIDE,
BUT WHOS THERE TO FOLLOW THE BIDE
RIGHT FROM WRONG IS MY FAME,
HOLY QURAN IS MY NAME
Monday, February 2, 2009
Tom went to his mother who was washing dishes in the kitchen. "Momy momy" he continued, " I worked all day long, here is the list of chores i did for you, and their rates". Mom wiped her hands with the apron and took the paper tom was offering her. SHe read the long list which said:
Plouging plant pots= 10$
watering flowers=5$
cleaning windows=20$
polishing shoes=15$
cleaning my room=50$
feeding tommy=25$
doing homework=25$
150$ total
Mom smiled and without speaking started scribling on the paper and returned it back.
It said
When you were a kid i
Wiped your nose=no charge
cleaned your poo=no charge
washed your nappies and cloths= no charge
fed u = no charge
tought you talking and walking= no charge
woke up at nights=no charge
loved you= NO CHARGE.........................................................................
Tom read carefully and wrote something again under his ratings
totol charge/ paid full in advance.
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